It's a Sunday...

I don't know why I suddenly decided to blog about today, maybe it's the guilt from not updating this blog for ages! :D Oh well, either way, please enjoy this post about my Sunday!

Woke up today around 8.40am for church. I had to get to church by 9am for our final music practice before Sunday. Yeah I know sounds kind of dramatic but it's not really a big deal! Been serving for awhile now as a back up singer and worship leader (and still lovin' it) so I'm kind of used to the routine of waking for practice. But... sleeping at 5am this morning really didn't help the process. I really got to get my biological clock to work on normal hours again. The holidays sure messed it up =.=

I ended up reaching church at about 9.15-ish. Yeah I was late but I wasn't the latest! :D Today's songs pretty nice and the theme was about God's presence. The theme threw me off a little because I've been ignoring God for the past week. It's not that I was too busy, but I'm just feeling guilty about some things and I didn't felt like approaching God. I know I'm not supposed to be feeling condemned but I just did. But as the worship progressed it was easier and easier to enter into His presence and it felt great. The sermon today was awesome too because I felt it was talking directly to me. My pastor preached about being honest with God about how you feel today. And I think that's exactly what I needed to do.

After church the youth worship team stayed back for a short practice session for our upcoming Youth Sunday where the whole service will be taken over by the youths. I'm not worship leading this round though because we felt it would be good to get the younger worship leaders to give it a try. But I am preaching though! So if you're free on the 19th of October come over to my church and you'll get to hear my first official sermon! :D

Moving along... after our brief music practice it was lunch time and so headed to the nearby food court. The food there's pretty cheap and affordable but the best part is; my favourite cyber cafe is just upstairs 8D. Normally we would go for badminton on Sunday evenings but since we had to help out with transportation for tonight's Vietnamese service, a few of us played DotA instead! :D

After 3 long rounds of DotA, I came home to change my clothes and to check on my Kancil Awards entry (more about this in a later entry :D) before heading down to Shah Alam to transport the Vietnamese migrant workers to church. After that I came home and cam whored a little! But I do have a valid excuse! Err.. ermm.. my hair is black and I'm wearing a bright green shirt! This kind of abnormalities just needs to be photographed! And here's the result...

Yea I know it's kind of lame to only have one pic but it's the only one I liked!

And that leaves me where I am now. Blogging about my average Sunday! Hope you enjoyed it (I don't how you could have enjoyed reading this but I hope you did anyway)!

My sister

I love my sister. Today I went to Pyramid with my family for dinner and shopping afterwards. After awhile me and my sister parted with our parents so we could do our own shopping. It's amazing how we can do practically everything together. I followed her to buy shorts and lingerie while she followed me to shop for 3/4 pants and shoes. Ok so the 3/4 pants and shoes are no big deal but the lingerie? I don't think a lot of brothers and sisters can match that! :D

Like I said, we do a lot together and we love it that way. We watch tv, we go out to eat, we shop, we run errands, we play computer games (such as RO, PKO, 2Moons and last but not least DotA) and the list goes on and on. We've said to one another that our sibling relationship isn't exactly normal, but I think both of us wouldn't have it any other way.

We weren't always that close, but nearly losing my sister once a really long time ago changed that. I wont go into details about it though. All I know is, I never want to lose her again without making lots of great memories before that (not that I ever hope to lose her). But anyway, ever since that day, we've done our best to improve our relationship. One complaint I'm getting from her though is that I'm lecturing her more often these days! I guess no matter how close we get the big brother instinct will never change.

So this post is for you baby sister. For all the great times we share together laughing, teasing, gaming, shopping, crying, comforting, advising, arguing, reconciling. Every moment we share irregardless of situation, makes me glad to be your older brother.

Our matching bracelets.

Serious cam whore moments.

Weird cam whore moments.

Loving from the start...

and loving now and forever.

Guitar Hero Madness

This is my current obsession and PS3 gratification for the time being. Yes people, I have joined the league of Guitar Hero freaks and am one with the masses of wannabe rockers with little (or none) REAL guitaring skills. Yes yes I know, it sounds lame in theory; simulating guitar playing with only 5 notes and a strum "button" (who strums a button?). But don't knock till you've tried it, 'cause it is... (dramatic pause) AWESOME!

I owe it all to a good buddy from high school who introduced me to this beautiful piece of musical simulation. He has a PS3 as well but it was out of comission so he allowed me to borrow his Guitar Hero game and the guitar controller for about 3 weeks. I was hooked at the first note.

About a week ago, my mum gave me an advance on my allowance so I could get my own Guitar Hero! I decided to buy the Aerosmith version of Guitar Hero because it was new and the guitar looked pretty awesome.

Awesome ain't it?

But after playing it for a bit, I kind of wished I bought Guitar Hero 3 instead. The Aerosmith version was pretty cool because it combines a documentary about Aerosmith with the career mode. But the song selection was pretty... meh. Too much old school rock. Thank goodness I can swap it with my high school buddy for his Guitar Hero 3 (that's what friends are for; trading games you don't like :D).

Ah well, I'm playing hard mode right now which is the second hardest mode. You have to play all 5 of the buttons in hard. I still can't pass all the songs yet (ok more like, I can't pass a good portion of the harder song). But practicing and (eventually) succeding is half the fun. I guess that's all for now. Go to get back to rockin'. I want to pass Through the Fire and Flames by the end of this month :D.

Keep on rockin' dudes.

PS: I think I'm losing motor function in my left hand from Guitar Hero strain *gasp* D:

Prose for the emo

Reaching but just not grabbing,
Swinging but just not catching,
Breathing but just not living,
Loving but it's just not happening.

Reaching for something I shouldn't,
Yet failling at something I should,
I wanted one that I couldn't,
Whilst hurting one that I could.

Doing stupid things at stupid times,
Writing stupid words and stupid rhymes,
Hoping they'll somehow make a difference,
For my sins, mistakes and crimes.

I can be emo too. Bite me.

Mike Guglielmucci Controversy

If you're a fan of Hillsongs or Planetshakers you'll no doubt heard of the controversial news about Mike Guglielmucci's fraud. But if you haven't then here's a link to do some reading up: http://www.news.com.au/adelaidenow/story/0,22606,24212817-5006301,00.html

Like many others I was completely shocked when I heard one of my favorite song leaders was a fake! I mean this guy wrote songs like Big, Evermore and recently Healer. To think that the same guy is a porn addict and a fraud! Wait a second... you know, it's not all that hard to imagine come to think of it. I mean, sure he's a pastor and worship leader for one of the biggest churches in Australia but he's still human. But I guess when you're in such a position people expect a lot more out of you; or are more excitable when you fall.

Some article headlines on this case are distasteful; no, disgusting. One of them wrote "Porn-again pastor tells of his addiction and shame". Come on people, give the guy a break. Why is everyone so itchy to label Mike Guglielmucci as a porn addict? He has a struggle with sin, a rather "bad" sin but so what? So do hundreds of thousands of people throughout the world. At least he has identifies it as something he needs to come clean about. At least he's still listening to the Holy Spirit's convictions. At least he did something about it.

I know a lot of people are upset over monies donated for his cancer treatment. But work is being done and the monies are being sent back. He could have just kept silent and got away with it. After all, eventually he could just say that God miraculously healed him! I'm glad he came forward, I really am. Not because I'm "excited" about the fall of a "holy" man, but because I'm seeing a human taking a step against sin.

As for the songs written by Mike Guglielmucci, I'm going to continue singing them and worshiping with them. They're great songs, inspired by a Holy God but written with fallible human hands. Wait a minute, that sounds kind of familiar. I think there's a book we read that's written the same way too.

To do or not to do

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15

I think these words of Paul pretty much sums up what I'm feeling right now. I also now understand why it goes on to say he feel "wretched" (well in the NIV version anyway). I want to do God's will. I want to live for Him. But I keep doing stupid things and making stupid decisions. I know what I should be doing, so why? Why can't I get myself to do it. I really hate being the way I am.

God I just wish I could move on to feeling "more than conquereous" like in Romans 8. I want to move on... I really do...

I guess I should be glad that I feel all this guilt over the stupid things I do. It's a sign of someone who's a "slave to righteousness". Being a slave, I guess I can't help but want to do what it right.

God I really need your strength. As I make the choices that lead to holiness, I pray that the power of your salvation will help me to stick to what is right. I keep falling down, over and over again. But I pray you'll help me to stand up again and keep running for You. In the name of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Passion KL 2008

I went for the Passion Tour on Sunday (3rd August) and all I can say is... WOW!!! And I LOVE JESUS SO MUCH!!! Thank you God for loving us so much!!! I want to love You the same way!!!

I haven't attended many rallies since I entered college. You know how it is, rallies always felt more like a high school kind of thing with inter school cf rallies and so on. But when Passion was in town, my Senior Youth Leader said it's something you just can't miss. I'm always a little skeptical about rallies because they feel too hyped up, kind of like a rock concert (which I hated to see happen). But I felt obligated to go, so with some doubts at the back of my head I went anyways. All that doubt was BLASTED out the back of my head after the night was done.

To be honest I've been In a slump in walk. Just a little while back I felt like I was just starting to pick myself up again. I did my best to love God with everything within me, pray more, read His word daily, listen for His will for me and I even joined in the nationwide prayer and fasting movement. It's always not easy to start climbing out of a slump but then Passion came along and supercharged my fire for Jesus. Their worship and word was so full of anointing from God (Chris Tomlin, Charlie Hall and Louie Giglio we're leading the worship and word by the way :D). There was such and overwhelming presence from God that I was left sobbing my eyes out after the sermon and worship.

Thank you so much Passion for the wonderful difference you all made in my life. I'm going to do my best to live a life that makes Jesus famous!

If you all want to find out more about Passion you can check out their website at www.268generation.com or check our their blog at www.268generation.com/blog

Signing out,
Josh

He comes near to us

I'm going through a season of spiritual barrenness. You know, those times when you feel so far from God. I'm not sure if it's even correct to call it a season. By season you imply that it is a natural course of nature, when many time this emptiness are caused by the our negligence of God. But I guess by calling it a season, there is comfort in knowing it will pass. But then again, the coming of the fruitful season only comes by our efforts to continue seeking God.

I believe it's not enough to just sit back and wait for God to call us back. The first half of James 4:8 says "Come near to God and He will come near to You". Did you see that? It says come near to God, not God comes near to us first. God gave us the greatest invitation to be close to Him when Jesus paved the way to eternal salvation. Technically, He has already done His part. Now it's our turn to "come near to God". Then, when our heart softens in His Love and Grace, we "allow" God to come near to us.

God will not push His way in. He gave us the gift of freewill and because of that, we unfortunately shut God out sometimes. But He waits. As the loving father who waited for his prodigal son. So does God wait for us to return. But when we do, He won't spend a moment longer away from you. He's the Father who will meet us halfway. He comes near to us.

This post didn't turn out exactly like I planned. I wanted to write about something else. As a matter of fact, the original title was "Saving Faith and Holy Lives". But as I typed, I just felt led to write this instead. And you know what? It's just what I needed to hear myself. Thanks Dad, I love You. I'm sorry I've been keeping away from You. But I'm coming back. Thanks for waiting.

I need strength..

Still
Words and Music by Reuben Morgan

Verse1
Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

Chorus
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Verse2
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

During the dark periods of my life, this song never failed to give me hope and strength. The beautiful assurance of being able to rest in God and know that everything's going to ok. I remember sharing in youth some time ago about Peter and his experience of walking water. Whatever storms we're trying to navigate through, we'll never sink as long as we're looking towards God. But so many times we see the wind and are afraid much like Peter. But it good to know that despite our lack of faith, Jesus is there to reach out and lift us above the stormy waters.

As I write these words, I hope someone struggling out there will know that God's not going to let you sink. As I write these words I also want to encourage myself. It's been one of those days. Days that remind you that being a youth leader is not easy. I know, it's never easy, but some days are just tougher than others. To see so much effort, so many prayers, so much time, so much patience, so many teachings, so much listening, so much caring... fall to pieces in one of your youths. I'm far from perfect, but I know I must have done some good in my service. To have it gone completely unnoticed by the very person that I'm doing them for, it's heartbreaking. And I'm not talking about favours or the sorts, I don't mind if favours I do go unnoticed. But to have the compassion and patience shrugged off... I'm at a lost of words.

But don't worry about me, I know things will turn out ok in the end. I know these things are normal. I know that God will give me strength. I know I know I know. But for now, I'm just feeling a little down. I'm praying and I'm waiting. Don't worry, I'll rise on wings of eagles soon enough.

I want my 24-hour cyber cafe!!!

For the past two weeks almost every cyber cafe in Subang Jaya was shut down because they operated past midnight. There's a law in Subang Jaya which states that cyber cafes can only operate from 8am till midnight. But it hasn't been strictly enforced, until two weeks ago. Being typically Malaysians, the laws that we really pay any attention to are those that are being strictly enforced. Well MPSJ, you got my attention, along with many other irate gamers in Subang Jaya. GIVE US BACK OUR 24-HOUR CYBER CAFE!

Now, I know some of you reading this are thinking "Oh just another whiny kid", so let please allow me defend my case and not just whine. I hate whiny, pointless, baseless complaining as well.

Firstly, let me just say that rule boils down to one huge problem, discrimination or more specifically, ageism. This senseless ban is prejudice towards youth. Let's have a look at why do I say this. Many other establishments are allowed to operate past midnight. Cinemas, futsal centers, mamak stalls, bars and what not. Why are these places allowed to operate past midnight and not cyber cafes? These places have one thing in common; older people understand these establishments. Everyone's familiar with movies, futsal is a variation of football, older folks enjoy late night teh tariks too and our parents enjoyed getting drinks are bars as youth. Plainly speaking, these places can open past midnight because those "fuddy duddies" (I wanted to say worse but swearing's a sin) enjoy those activities or at least understand those businesses. But cyber cafes? NO WAY! Those places are smoke filled dens of gamblers. Look, if I wanted to gamble and smoke I would go to Genting Casino (which also opens 24-hours). Gamers go to cyber cafes to GAME and we don't want to choke on smoke while doing so.

I'm guessing the next thing they would say is, "Those games are murder simulator! They make teens violent!". I slap my face every time I hear that statement. If you're concerned about aggression stimulators, then ban football. There's been more football related deaths and violent conducts than computer game violence cases. Oh wait, I forgot. Old people like football as well. No way we could ban that. We can only ban things we don't like or don't understand.

And don't give me that rubbish about futsal places being good for health and that's why they should be allowed to remain open past midnight. I'm not saying that futsal isn't healthy. I'm saying that if you're so concerned about health, then please ban mamak stalls first. They're feeding young and old alike with oil drenched, fatty foods at late hours! Oh dear, sounds like a heart attack waiting to happen. Oh wait! I forgot again, the people at MPSJ probably like mamak stalls as well. How absent minded of me.

Some may be asking, why do cyber cafes need to be remain open past midnight? Well I know it's improper, but bear with me as I retort with a question, why do mamak stalls have to open past midnight? The answer is obvious isn't it? Because people still visit mamak stalls past midnight! There's business to be made at those wee hours as well. Many Malaysians are nocturnal in nature. We seem to enjoy going out for drinks and food late at night. Maybe it's the night air or perhaps we have no other free time except late at night. Whatever the reason, we can't deny that we're night creatures. We youngsters inherited this nocturnality as well. But instead of frequenting mamaks as our parents did, some of us frequent cyber cafes. 24-hour operating hours is necessary because of the nature of the business, the nature of the patrons.

But I guess it's not enough to be all talk and no action. So I'm starting a petition for 24-hour cyber cafes in Subang. If what i said made sense. Please, show your support here. Thank you so very much for your support.

http://www.PetitionOnline.com/sj24hrcc/petition.html

I was at a car wash...

I was at a car wash on Sunday with my sister when she said, "Wah, very worth it" as we saw all the dirt and grime being washed away. I confess that I am horrible at keeping my car clean, inside and out. Which is one of the reasons that prompted going to the car wash. Anyway, back to what my sister said, it made me think a little. Every person who parks there pays RM8 for the wash. We all get the same treatment; soap, rinse, dry and vacuum. But I believe no one else walked away feeling as happy as I did. As I stared at my shiny black Kembara I said to myself, "That was RM8 well spent". Why was that so? Well plainly because my car was by far the dirtiest car among the lot.

My thoughts then turned to the salvation that we receive through the death of Jesus Christ. We all received the same salvation. Jesus suffered to the same degree for all of us; none more, none less. But then again some of us seem to appreciate this eternal gift so much more, so much so they give their lives entirely to God. More often that not, these zealous brothers and sisters are what some may consider the "dirtiest among the lot". It is the people who recognize their dirty condition and then experience the cleansing touch of God that appreciate salvation the most. As long as we feel that we're "ok", we'll never be able to embrace the forgiveness of God. Isn't it high time we let God forgive us?

Last night, as I lied in bed, I thought of all the demons of my past. Things that I am not proud of. Things that I still struggle with a to a certain degree. At times I wondered, God why of all the kind of struggles, You had to give me such a difficult one. But I guess I would not appreciate salvation as I do now had I not had to struggle with such sins. So, thanks God, for making me wonderfully made.

Koinonia, how I love thee!

For those who don't know, I'm a youth leader of a small youth group named Koinonia. I say this with a grin on my face because I'm so thankful for the privilege of serving God's teens and young adults (not that I'm not a young adult myself :P). An opportunity to invest your life into the growth of God's youths, what a worthwhile call! However, like any ministry, it comes complete with struggles and troubles. Last night in our youth leader's meeting, one of my fellow leaders brought up one such struggle.

She said that she's frustrated that no real change has happened in our youth, even after our years of laboring. There seemed to be a stagnancy in our Youth for quite awhile. I must admit that at some point, I agree. Being a youth leader is tiring. We meet weekly to plan, prepare, fast and pray for our youths. But we rarely see the fruits of our labour. Lessons seem to fall on deaf ears and revival seems so far away. But then it dawned on me, a revelation (some what) of what it truly means to serve in a small group. Maybe our perception of "success" was wrong. We were all hoping that one day we'll see this youth group grow to about 50 strong members or even hundreds.

I believe that every ministry has a different but indispensable role in the body of God. Small ministries like Koinonia included. God willing, Koinonia will become like one of those "super" ministries some day. You know, the kind with an attendance of thousands and visible passion for God. But until then, I believe that our job is to be faithful with the little that God has given us. Our ministry may not transform thousands, but we have the duty of molding the 20 we're given. And even if only 2 out of the 20 truly give their lives to God, I feel we've done something to be proud of. We'll just move on from that two, and little by little we'll touch the other 18. We shouldn't be discouraged when we see that only a few youths change. Change is a matter of the heart. And the heart is often cold and doesn't sway easily. I'm happy taking one heart at the time.

We may never become like a factory, producing tens of thousands of youth on fire for God. But as for now, I'm content with being an artist. Pouring my life in each careful stroke of the brush until after years, one masterpiece is complete. And perhaps one day, that youth which I invested so much into will move on to produce the tens of thousands of youth on fire that I dreamed of.

About lawyers and homosexuality

I love the law series, Boston Legal. It's funny, clever, informative and oh so entertaining. Watching the series often has two effects on me. The first of which is short term namely, the effect of speaking quickly, briefly, loquacity and periphrasis. The second of which has a longer effect, namely the arousal of convictions. The episode I saw last night was a case about the "don't ask, don't tell" policy the US army employs. It's basically a policy which states that those who join the army will not be asked about their sexual orientation but if they happen to be homosexual they are expected to hide it. This case got me thinking about a rather taboo topic in Christianity: homosexuality. This topic has often been dismissed without much thought in many churches here in Malaysia. Perhaps it leaves too much of an icky feeling in most people. But one must wonder, how many homosexuals have turned from the Faith because of this matter. So here's MY THOUGHTS on this topic, I know some of you may think differently but hear me out.

Firstly, my stand on the topic is, homosexuality is a sin. Why do I say so? Because the word of God says so. Yes I know, many theologians have argued that many verses that speak about homosexuality are misinterpreted. I too agree that many verses quoted about homosexuality is wrongly used but many verses still stand. An interesting example which brought a revelation to me is the destruction of Sodom and Gomorra as an example of God's wrath against homosexuals. Ezekial 16:49 - 50 says this about Sodom and Gomorra " 'Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen." It didn't say anything about homosexuality. Some even argue that sodomizing foreigners was a way of insulting foreigners (I can't remember which verse I saw this in but if I do I'll post it here). So they were possibly heterosexual men who wanted to insult the angelic visitors.

This brings me an important point. I believe there are no homosexuals, just people who have the temptation to commit acts of homosexuality. Homosexuality like any other sin is an action. The tags that go along with these actions causes people to identify with those acts making them believe that that is who they are. For example, a person who lies is called a liar and if a person identifies with the title they believe it is who they are. The Bible says the power of life and death lies in tongues. What we confess will come to pass if we believe it. So if a homosexual confesses he or she is, he or she will become just that. The reason why I bring this point up is because many homosexuals may think that God hates who they are. But the truth is God doesn't hate anyone, he just cannot stand sinful actions. But even with this being the case, our sins are removed by the sacrifice of Jesus.

So my message to all Churches, stop exiling homosexuals and making them feel like scum. They are ordinary people who commit acts of sin just like everyone else. Remember the challenge of casting the first stone. It's easy to condemn something when we cannot relate to it. We don't take lying, speeding, gossiping and the likes very seriously because we are often caught doing the same. But when faced with something which we have never done before, we are often too quick to condemn the person caught. However, Jesus showed us the way. Look at ourselves and see that as humans "All have sinned fallen short of the Glory of God" (Romans 3:23). And in the words of Paul "if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently" (Galations 6:1a). Jesus died to save all, homosexuals as well. If homosexuals can't find love in the church who's very foundation is grace and love, where can they find it? You don't need to agree with their actions, just love the person and let God do the work in their lives.

As for my message to homosexuals, remember that "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ" (Romans 8:1). Jesus loved you and died for you just like he did for everyone else. No sin can ever separate us from the love of God, homosexuality included. But at some point, He will ask you to change. During those times, don't turn away from Him. He's saying this out of love. Instead, ask him for strength. Remember, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" (1 Corinthians 10:13).

God bless :)

Here in My Home

For those that don't already know, Here in My Home is the brainchild of the Malaysia Artistes for Unity project. It's a beautiful song with an even more beautiful message. Take a listen, share it and sing it in public to spread the love :)

Prayer for tomorrows

Feeling a little lost today, so I'm posting this prayer. It's good to know our future is in God's hand.

Father I pray, help me to hear Your voice. I want to know Your will for me. May I fulfill my purpose through the good works You have prepared for me. Give me the boldness to do what what You want me to do, to go where You want me to go. Thank You Lord for I know my future is Your hands. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.

I can't believe I'm blogging

The title said it. I can't believe I'm actually blogging. I've been discriminating bloggers ever since blogging started becoming popular. I not really sure why though. I've always felt like it was kind of dumb to keep an open diary for the masses of the internet to read... I think. Or perhaps i was afraid of becoming an emo blogger. Or maybe I just didn't want to ride in the bandwagon much like how I never had a Friendster (not one which I created anyway). Whatever the reason I guess it doesn't apply anymore cause here I am... blogging (yes it bears repeating). I've always been an opinionated person and I have to admit blogging is a good outlet of expressing opinions. So i guess we'll be seeing a lot of that. Yes, a good intelligent, opinion filled blog sounds good. Or then again I could just express my emotions about daily events. I have no idea how this blog is going to turn out. For all you know this may the one and only post :D. We'll just see in days to come.